


Before I Wake (Oikawa x Reader)

by kuroolongtea



Category: Haikyuu!!, ハイパープロジェクション演劇「ハイキュー!!」| Hyper Projection Play "Haikyuu!!" RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, Break Up, F/M, Gen, Heavy Angst, Light Angst, Long-Distance Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:13:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29972364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuroolongtea/pseuds/kuroolongtea
Summary: He’s destined for greater things, but you’ve never been good at letting go; after all, it’s not easy saying goodbye—so you just don’t.Soundtrack: "alright" by keshi
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	Before I Wake (Oikawa x Reader)

**Author's Note:**

> haven’t written a one-shot fic in a while! been thinking about this for a few days and was really excited to finally work on it, but now i’m not so sure if i executed it very well :/

**[23:09]**

“Look,” you murmur, blinking up at Oikawa from the warmth of his arms to then glance at the small, digital clock sitting on your bedside table. “It’s almost eleven-eleven.”

“Mm, is it?” Oikawa hums, his fingers still making featherlight strokes on the top of your head as your cheek is pressed gently against his chest. “Gonna make a wish?”

“Maybe,” you utter into his shirt, the sound of his heartbeat softly resounding in your ear. 

The moonlight filtering in through your bedroom window casts an alluring, silver glow onto the blankets that you and Oikawa are curled underneath. But no matter how beautiful, the luminescent rays which have kept you company in the quietest hours of the night will soon, like him, be gone in the morning.

Maintaining your relationship was arduous enough after he left for Argentina, but you loved him, and have always been more than willing to make things work, despite the different time zones and long distance. 

That is, until this time, when he told you that he’d become a naturalized citizen, and move permanently. 

Until this time, which would be “the last time.”

Though difficult, after many talks and tears, you’ve finally come to accept it—or maybe you haven’t, but there’s nothing you can do except make the moments in your final night together worth it.

“I wish…” you breathe, trailing off to think about what it is that you wish for, as another minute passes on the clock.

_I wish you didn’t have to go._

You don’t wish for him to stay, because you know better than anyone that Oikawa Tooru is destined for incredible things, things far greater than you. And you’d never want to be the person holding him back either—he deserves better.

_I wish we could’ve been together._

You know he does just as much as you do, but you don’t want him to feel any worse. Moreover, you don’t want to completely seal off the possibility of you two finding your way back to each other in the future.

The ‘zero’ on the far right of your clock’s screen flickers into a ‘one,’ displaying a series of four vertical lines, separated by two blinking dots in the middle.

“I wish fate was on our side.”

Your voice is just barely above a whisper, and you wonder if Oikawa could even hear you as your eyes turn slightly glassy in the dark.

“Me too,” he murmurs.

Oikawa turns his face towards you to plant a gentle kiss on the top of your head, the gesture causing a small tear to escape from the inner corner of your eye as it creates a small, damp circle on his shirt. 

“Will you be okay?” he exhales, staring up at your ceiling and tightening his hold around your shoulders ever-so-slightly.

“Maybe.”

You two lay in silence for what feels like both an eternity and a mere few seconds, the still air speaking more loudly and more expressively than you ever could.

“You’ll leave before I wake up, won’t you?” you breathe, a lump forming in your throat. “Don’t know if I’d be able to watch you leave.”

“Sure,” Oikawa answers with a conflicted, tired smile which you don’t see. “You can thank my red-eye flight for that.”

“Okay.”

You slowly and reluctantly close your eyes as he holds you in his arms, wondering if sleep will find its way to you at all tonight.

* * *

**[04:54]**

Oikawa takes one last glance around your room to ascertain he has everything he needs, and that he won’t leave anything behind.

Well, anything but you.

Zipping up his jacket, Oikawa chews the inside of his lip at the sight of your sleeping figure, so peaceful yet so… sad.

He sighs and makes his way towards your desk, picking up a pen and the memo pad he always uses to leave you notes around the house. His hand hovers above the paper, hesitating as he thinks about what to write.

_I’m sorry._

Oikawa doesn’t want to apologize, because he knows you would tell him he has nothing to apologize for. Neither of you have done anything wrong, and it would only make you more upset if you knew he felt guilty for causing you grief. For hurting you.

_I love you._

He does, oh _god,_ he does. And he knows you know it too, better than anyone else. But if there’s one thing Oikawa fears, it’s those three words making it that much harder for him to leave, and that much harder for you to move on.

He knows you’d follow him to the ends of the earth if you could, but that’s not what either of you want; you have a life of your own, and so does he. 

You deserve better than to wait for him forever. You deserve someone who can and _will_ stay. You deserve the chance to move on.

Oikawa takes a sharp breath and finally scribbles his last words to you on the paper, tearing it off the notepad as quietly as he could. 

He returns to the side of your bed and, after pulling the blanket back up to cover your shoulders, gives you one final, gentle kiss between your furrowed brows before walking out the door.

He tries not to look back.

* * *

**[05:49]**

You wake up to the dark of your bedroom, the luminous slivers of moonlight now being cast onto your floorboards. Your heart sinks at the realization of what awakening entails, the feeling of how big and empty your bed feels filling you with dread as you open your eyes.

You sit up and swallow thickly, the familiar ache in your chest returning.

The movement causes your blankets to rustle, and the sound of paper crinkling catches your attention as you do so. You slide your hand along the cold sheets until it comes into contact with the page freshly torn out of your notepad.

Lifting it up to the silver light still scattered throughout your room, you take one glance at the familiar handwriting and feel your eyes begin to brim with tears.

It’s the handwriting you know so well: the handwriting that has called you beautiful in a sticky note on your bathroom mirror, and the handwriting you’ve spent countless hours staring at, rereading the same creased letters mailed to you from Argentina for the tenth time. 

Your chest feels tighter than it ever has before, like your heart is being physically squeezed as it sinks lower and lower into your stomach. You feel yourself tip over the edge as your vision blurs, tears finally pouring out of your eyes and dripping onto the paper, smearing the ink.

_“Thank you for loving me.”_

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked this fic!  
> feel free to follow me on tumblr @kuroolongtea where i'm more active :)  
> comments are greatly appreciated, and thank you so much for reading! ♡


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